Chunk, Mr T and Peewee

The guilt is killing me. I need to redeem myself for the previous blog post. Although, I am not sure this is going to help much. The bog monster was a little too weird for the masses of non joke playing people that read this mess. But like I said, I am not sure these items will appeal to many of you either - however, at first glance it seems like it's something nice :o) Upon closer evaluation though, you are slapped down by the strangeness that is Beat Up Creations.

I love these plates so much I want a wall full of them (SANTA...Are you listening???)! They make me laugh and want to have tea parties so I can serve dessert on them. Once the treats are gone you are left with a washed up sudo-celeb staring back at you, or even a fancy alien or animal crossed with a major military figure from history. Makes for a great conversation starter if I do say so myself.

If I ever make enough money at this cookie game to open a real live bakery storefront, you can bet these puppies will be on sale or hiding in a cozy nook somewhere. I like weird things that are familiar but not. It's how my mind works. What can I say.

Bog Monster

If you are reading these blog posts at all, you already know that I love a good joke! And since it's the season of giving I have been perusing mail catalogs and online shops for just the right gifts. I ran across this ugly little guy yesterday and it instantly filled my head with ideas! I was thinking how great it would be to scare my 1 year old niece or even my mother during the few days we'll be together at Christmas. I like to leave my mark. I mean really - nobody ever wants something coming at them from inside the toilet, am I right people?!?! If only I could find something that was invisible until AFTER you sat down :o)

What a SHITHEAD.

 

When I worked in the world of marketing/advertising, I had trouble staying focused at times. See, I'm a practical joker by nature. My Grandpa and Dad had the same affliction! I have been playing jokes and messing with co-workers since my first job so when I found this raunchy toy - I had to share it with you. I have nobody to throw shits at right now so if you acquire this game, play it to the best of your ability and send me some pictures so I can live vicariously. Somebody in my family WILL be receiving this for Christmas 2010.

Here is the product description, as told by the agitated employee Danna (in the picture above):

I was minding my business (working hard as usual making sure our customers are happy) when out of nowhere I hear "...make Danna put it on..." Fearing that my job might be on the line if I didn't partake in the company shenanigans - I unwillingly became a target. No one seemed to care that ShitHead comes with two hats since everyone took turns throwing turds at just my head. What did I do to deserve this? Oh..., maybe it was the long lunch break :(

Includes: 2 hats (otherwise known as 'shats'), 3 shits and game instructions. Not intended for children under 4 or whiney employees.

Meatini Anyone?

Originally published Monday, Nov 22 at 2:07PM

That's right people - Joel Veitch, the genius behind rathergood.com, has created a perfect cocktail... the Meatini! A mouth-watering, swine-filled libation that will keep you squealing for more.

Bacon glass, pork meatloaf icecubes, scrambled egg filling, mushroom umbrella and sausage swizzle stick. What more can you want in a drink! Sitting here daydreaming about Happy Hour, my arteries are rapidly pumping with Meatini excitement.

The best part - you don't have to be 21 to leagally consume Meatinis. No more waiting outside convenience stores, begging oldies to buy you some Colt 45, have Meatinis instead. Either way you'll get drunk and I guarantee the Meatini after-taste is better.

So, next time you want to get your party on, drop me a line. The first round of Meatinis are on me. Bottoms-up bitches.


 
-Rachel (Guest Blogger)
Rachel's Blog
Rachel's Facebook Page

It's. So. Weird.

Originally posted Friday, Nov 19 at 8:45AM

This Friday blog post is "special". I had trouble deciding between a man who was forced to eat his own beard and the foolishness that I am about to show you. Honestly, I can't stop looking at this site. I want to, but I just have to see what's on the next page!

It's bread, people. I found a guy who is fascinated with bread. He puts people's faces in the bread. It's utter strangeness and I cannot divert my eyes. I don't really have much to say about it simply because I cannot stop looking at what he has created. It's. So. Weird. Happy Friday.



Hell. I might as well throw in the beard clip and get your weekend started right :o)

Kusala Knitworks

Originally posted Wednesday, Nov 17 at 11:22AM

This is Jenifer - she knits. Really well. She follows us on Twitter (@Kusalaknits), which is where we met. Have I mentioned yet that Jenifer is AWESOME?!?! Not only does she craft gorgeous knits but she is also funny, warm and easy going, which makes getting to know her a pleasure.
Jenifer is "a huge believer in supporting the local and artisan communities and also volunteers weekly for an area environmental organization." She goes on to say "I hope that the time that I spend there makes a difference and the financial contributions that I make to various charities benefit the community around me in a positive way. I also try to use recycled fibers and/or organic cottons when possible. If I can't , then I hope the quality of the items I produce makes them last for a very very long time!"

These attributes are alright with me! In fact, my stylish sister-in-law recently celebrated another birthday and I immediately thought of Kusala Knitworks for her gifts. I have admired Jenifer's work since I first saw it on ETSY. I knew the Grey Bamboo Lace Cowl and Hunter Green Fall Shoulder Wrap would look great on Andrea! The products I ordered arrived in a very timely manner and were absolutely fantastic! The yarn was so soft and the stitching very consistent, every detail was tended to - not to mention the pricing was extremely reasonable for each piece.


Grey Bamboo Lace Cowl

Hunter Green Fall Shoulder Wrap

As you are doing your shopping this fall and winter, take a look at Jenifer's ETSY store. You will not be disappointed by the products she makes or excitement her about her craft. She even accomodates requests for custom items or optional colors. While you are online shopping, stop by her Twitter, Facebook or Blog pages too and learn more about what makes Jenifer such a wonderful person to support.

Sticky Orange Rolls

It seems that a few naps this weekend and nice big steak were enough to calm my inner demon, so I won't be tempted to send anymore people to hell this week. I guess that's good since Thanksgiving is only a little over a week away! Instead, I will be turning my energy back toward baking.

I found this lovely, easy recipe for Sticky Orange Rolls, you probably have most of the ingredients needed to make them at home already. They are "a citrusy play on cinnamon rolls, and breakfast roll perfection." Hoping these little orangey delights will be a tasty option for Thanksgiving breakfast. ENJOY!

Reserve a Spot in Hell.

The internet contains some crazy shit but I have found the best thing on it. The ability to create reservations. For my "friends". In HELL!

Normally I would probably have a good laugh and keep searching the web but it's been one of those weeks where nothing really goes right. So in the spirit of keeping all things in balance I have a very long list of people that I need to reserve spots for. I will start with the A-holes that decided to cut my power yesterday morning when I was originally writing this blog post. It was the best one yet but nobody knows that because the all male crew decided to inconveniently fiddle with something on a pole, go figure.

Next on the list will be all people who regularly tend to their yard work and keep up on their home maintenance. Screw you fuckers - I am too lazy to do everything required of me as a homeowner and I can't afford your fancy yard service.

This feels pretty good! I am going to send time and my washer/dryer unit to HELL too, just because they are pissing me off today! And autumn in the south! You can go to HELL too with all your dry crumbly leaves and dust in my sinuses. Hmph.

This is very therapeutic for someone with a bit of bitterness to deal with. I'll save the rest of my list - don't want to let the cat out of the bag and a few of the folks like a good surprise. The All Access Travel Kit is a great deal for these people, and for me because it comes with a money back guarantee! AH-MA-ZING.

Well. I have some planning to do so take this blog and shove it, I'm ready for the weekend.

They Draw and Cook

 
Cooking Meringue by Angela Sbandelli

'They Draw and Cook' was started by Nate Padavick and Salli Swindell after Salli began creating food illustrations to accompany Nate's recipes. As it began to grow they invited the internet audience to submit recipes and other artists to illustrate them. There is even a section of the site that let's kids get in on the fun! What has developed is a light-hearted blog that makes cooking that much more enjoyable.

 
Toad-in-the-Hole by Admira Pustika


Sweet Pumpkin Bread Loaves by Jeanette Vieira

I ♥ Tiny Animals

Nothing is cuter than the world’s smallest animals. Seriously, tiny animals are adorable even to a bitter bitch like me. I once held a tiny parrot on my index finger and it melted my heart. And one time, much to my delight, I thought I had discovered the world’s smallest dolphin at one of those parks in Mexico where you swim with dolphins. But I was so wrong because yesterday I stumbled upon this picture:

That is one tiny, adorable dolphin. A dolphin who has an invitation to live in my giant garden tub if he would like. I’m pretty sure this photo was the only reason I was nice to anyone yesterday.

I Think I Love Booze

Brace yourselves ladies - David Cassidy was arrested for DUI in Florida - sadly he was not driving the Partridge Family's psychedelic bus at the time.

I am not sure what is more tragic about this story, the crime...or his mugshot!



-Rachel (Guest Blogger)
Rachel's Blog
Rachel's Facebook Page

What a mess.

Aaah, the randomness of the internet. Here are a few things for you to think about during your drive home from work.

Baby Toupee - makin' wigs for yo babies. Yep, you can outfit your kids with dreadlocks just like Bob Marley or a comb over like The Donald. I don't know what more to say about this except think twice before asking me to babysit.


Here's the Raw Turkey Hat for any adults that want to cover their domes for the holiday. If you are too cheap to buy this you can always use a real turkey from your local grocery. If you have a tiny head you could go for a chicken or quail.


For you men, or women, that have trouble growing facial hair to stay warm in the winter - how about trying out the Beard Beanie Knit Cap? These caps are listed under the 'FUN' category on sellers website. Be forewarned, if I see you walking around in this I will be tempted to punch you in the head.


After I found these fine items I stopped by the good ole' FAIL Blog and found this little stripper number. What the hell.


Happy Monday, SUCKAZ.

Eat your veggies!

 
Mom always said, "eat your veggies!"
Sauteed mushrooms anyone?

The gift that keeps on giving.

I can't help myself - I NEED this. I can't believe I ran across it online but I know that it completes me. In classic Godfather fashion, without the mess, this Horse Head Pillow is perfect for letting anyone know how you are feeling.

Remember the part in the film: Hollywood producer Jack Woltz refuses to cast Johnny Fontane in his new war film, Don Corleone sends Tom Hagen to suggest he reconsider. Woltz, however, BITTER over a girl that Johnny stole from him, stubbornly refuses. The next morning, Woltz wakes to find himself sleeping next to the severed head of his favorite prized horse, a $600,000 stud named Khartoum. The big-shot Hollywood producer begins screaming hysterically. Here is a clip from the movie, remix style!



I am not endorsing animal cruelty of any kind which is why I am choosing the pillow version of the horse head. If I had a husband I am sure I would use this pillow on a regular basis, for now I will just taunt my friends with it (desperately wishing I had a key to Jessica's house). Maybe drive with it in the passenger seat. It sends a clear message and that's exactly what I'm looking for. I could strap it on my back in the grocery store or while running errands as a way to say 'leave me alone OR ELSE'! Horse Head Pillow really is the gift that keeps on giving, it's everything I ever wanted and more.

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, Get the Costume?

That's right y'all, Antoine Dodson is the number one costume for Halloween this year, at least that's what he says.



For those lame-asses (uh-hmph...Erin) unaware of the phenomenon that is - Antoine Dodson - here is the news story that started the awesome mass media frenzy.



Can't get enough? Check out the rockin' remix which, by the way, has over 16 million views on YouTube - 16 MILLION!



So for all you Antoine wannabes, get your costume NOW - according to his website they are ALMOST sold out!

Personally, I already own several Antoine-esque ensembles. For Halloween 2010 I think I'll go as a Bitter Baking Cookie, it will leave a better taste in my mouth ;oP

-Rachel (Guest Blogger)
Rachel's Blog
Rachel's Facebook Page

Best. News. Ever.

The following news has completely derailed me today. Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later's Cover Revealed.

Sweet Valley High is my second favorite book series – next to Babysitter’s Club, obviously. I’ve been dying to know what’s up with the Wakefield twins, hunky Bruce Patman and Enid Rollins (I always chose to be Enid when playing the SVH board game because I love a good redhead.)

Today, I’ve analyzed the cover (it’s ok), pre-ordered the book on Amazon, read the first chapter excerpt (Wakefield twins not speaking! What did Jessica do?!) and checked out Francine Pascal’s bohemian-chic photo.  I had a conference call with a friend about the awesomeness of what is to come on March 29th. My friend even sang the theme song from the hit mid-90’s TV series on the call. I googled the alleged movie that Diablo Cody has in the works for 2012 and read up on all the articles about the film. Basically, I’m pumped.

Now if Ann M. Martin would just get on it and tell me what those Stoneybrook babysitters are up to ten years later, my life would be complete.

Tricks for Celebrating Halloween at Every Stage of Life

In lieu of my own scrawl and blather today, I am going to treat you with a very funny article by Robert Brockway at Cracked.com - ENJOY!

Looking at Halloween across the span of our lifetimes, we see an oscillating parabola of hedonism: Babies, being stupid, don't understand the day and find it worrying, kids get their first taste of true euphoric excess, teenagers think they're too cool for it, young adults use it like a nation-wide masked orgy, and adults are just inconvenienced. But at each stage of our lives, different techniques, costumes, and behaviors may be called for to optimize our Halloween experiences. They are as follows:

 

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/tricks-celebrating-halloween-at-every-stage-life/#ixzz12iswJQoj

Salty Sayings for Celebrities

Last night, I know I should have been watching the amazing live footage of the rescue of the miners in Chile for its social significance and stuff, but I wasn’t. I was trolling the internet to get the scoop on all the celeb news that has been popping up. If celebrities actually ate cookies, I’m sure they’d be all over our goods.

Christina Aguilera could have ended her marriage to that guy that I get confused with Tori Spelling’s first husband with this message:


(And how utterly unfamous you are, Jordan Bratman.)

Courteney Cox also ended her unexplainable marriage to David Arquette this week. I like to imagine she would pack all his kooky crap in a box and leave it on the front porch with an order of these on top - tied with a coordinating ribbon, because she seems like a classy lady.



And somehow Rachel Zoe, who lives on a diet of coffee and air, is pregnant If we were friends, she would have gotten a double order of these cookies:



Laura Dern and Ben Harper also called it quits but I always forget they were even married, so I’d probably forget to send them a break-up cookie, too.

Oh, baby. Come to mama!

I love finding new recipes online and as I was looking for some tonight I came across this picture, it stopped my search and caused me to begin drooling. Say 'Hello' to Cookies 'N Cream Oreo Fudge Brownies.

The recipe calls for cookies and cream ice cream, chocolate chips, hot fudge and box brownie mix all stirred up together and spread over lots of Oreos before going in the oven. GACK! I'm not sure if I should continue to elaborate on how the idea of these brownies make me want to hold myself and weep, or if I should just let you get on with your own reaction.

kevinandamanda.com are the proud makers of these sweet treats. They have LOTS of other delicious looking recipes on their site as well. Take a look, snoop around, run to the grocery and start cookin'!

Document Your Life - A Photo A Day

I StumbleUpon'd an interesting story and fabulous idea this morning while researching things to blog about. Jamie Livingston took a photo every day for eighteen years, until the day he died, using a Polaroid SX-70 camera. He called the project “Photo of the Day” and presumably planned to collect them at some point — had he lived. He died on October 25, 1997 — his 41st birthday.

Photos include friends, food, traveling, playing music, TV screen shots of significant moments in history, hospitalization, wedding, visual jokes, night life, the circus and more. On October 25 the series ends. Jamie Livingston was a film maker and editor who worked on public information films, adverts and promo videos for MTV. Taking a single photo every day began by accident when he was 22 and studying film with Hugh Crawford at Bart College, in upstate New York.

“He’d been doing it for about a month before he realised he’d been taking a photo about one picture a day, and then he made the commitment to keep doing that,” says Crawford, who was responsible for putting his friend’s pictures on line after his death. “That’s what he was like. There are some people who have flashes of brilliance and do things in a huge rush or creative burst but he was more of a steady, keep-at-it kind of guy and he did amazing stuff. Part of the appeal of the site is that Jamie was not this amazing-looking guy. He led an incredible life, but there’s an every man quality to the photographs.”

Looking at the website and photos is AMAZING! Without knowing Jamie at all I feel like I know so much about him. I laugh, smile, cringe and shed tears while seeing this beautiful life one photo at a time. What a journey this man had and he captured moments that were significant and real. I appreciate his creativity and consistent effort to tell his story.

This would be an incredible legacy for any person to make for themselves or their family. With just a camera phone you can take a photo each day and put it on a blog, save it to a file or print and store. Take a photo and resist the urge to reshoot, alter or analyze it. The photos are from your view of the world and that is an important thing for you to see and those who care for you. It would also be a fantastic way for you to see what your kids think about or your aging parents. This is too easy not to do :o) Take the photo a day challenge and keep it going!

* Thanks to mental_floss and Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn for sharing this story and allowing me to use some of your copy to reiterate this on our site.